We have some AMAZING people in our life! Friends and family have been supportive and kind and people that I didn’t think would care about our diagnosis have come out of the woodwork to offer support and resources. I have no idea what I would say to a friend who received a diagnosis of Down syndrome before all this happened for us. I know I would say a lot of dumb things. I know I would want to be supportive and it probably wouldn’t come out right. I know everyone wants the best for us and is saying what is on their hearts. I have NO ill will toward anyone who has offered their support. HOWEVER, here are some things I just can’t hear anymore:
“God chose you two to be this little guys parents”
“God only gives you what you can handle”
“God knew you two were the perfect parents for this baby”
I’m not quite sure why people immediately go to God cliches to handle big information. I am a Christian and also believe God knows all, but I don’t believe He GAVE us this. I don’t think He’s a magician and decided one day that Jason and I were strong enough and ‘good enough’ to handle this so He waved a magic wand and ‘gave’ us Down syndrome. I think things happen. Some good, some bad. God knew this was our future, but He didn’t give it to us.
I am still working through what to pray for and what to accept as reality. Prayer takes a lot of hope and I’m afraid if I start praying for healing that I will begin to hope that the Down syndrome will go away. I don’t want to be disappointed at David’s birth. I don’t want to cling to the idea that this may all be a mistake, just to have to grieve and mourn all over again in a few months. I think I’m afraid to pray for healing because it would mean I don’t accept my son in any condition. I’m afraid to hope and afraid to not accept my life circumstances. I read this quote the other day. I love it, I’m just not sure I can live it.
“Don’t just pray about what seems logical and possible. Pray HARD about the “impossible”. God will show you that NOTHING nothing nothing is impossible with HIM. Ever. Period. End of Story.”