The justification

We’re on day four of a new hospital stay. It’s been over 280 days since the last time we were admitted. Long enough to get comfortable & a little cocky. Hospital stays are for the really young & “sickly”. David is bigger, stronger, healthier. He can handle anything! Or so we thought.
His scheduled Botox to “fix” his swallowing issues has turned into four full days of tubes, wires & questions. Why aren’t his oxygen levels higher? Is this really just a common cold? Did the Botox move?
In the meantime, Jason & I are trying to navigate this all over again. The last time we were here, this was all “normal”. He had spent over half of his life in the hospital so we had a routine down and a flow. This time, we’re rattled. It’s unexpected and frustrating. Plus, he’s bigger and understands more so going about our daily business and trusting his care to nurses isn’t as realistic. He’s bored and interactive and misses us when we’re gone. We’ve been taking turns spending every night here but we have Ella to consider too. And, unlike last time, she has school and a routine to contend with as well.
In the midst of all this, I realize how much I try and normalize our situation. I keep putting on a happy face and moving forward with previous plans. After all, this is “typical” for us. The world can’t stop because our little guy is in a time out.
But our world can. I’m not sure why I continue to “Pollyanna” our situation and down play this experience. If anyone else I knew had a kiddo in the hospital, I would be freaking out for them. So why aren’t I? I was invited to a friends baby shower last Saturday. Up until Friday night I still had every intention to go even though it was over an hours drive away one way. Why? Why didn’t I immediately say I couldn’t come like I would expect any other mother whose child is hospitalized to do? *
Yes, hospital stays have been an unfortunate normal in our lives over the past 18 months. I’m guessing we still have a few in our future as well. But it’s ok for me to be mad and upset about every single one. I can freak out every time my son is hooked up to tubes and out of my care for the night. I don’t want this normal and that’s ok too. So, we’ll hold out for the day when overnight stays really are a distant memory and marvel at how well we handled this unpredictable life.
* PS, if you are my friend who had the baby shower on Saturday, please know, these thoughts had nothing to do with you! I felt no pressure to attend. It was something I was wrestling with internally



Thankfulness: a three for all

Oh my gosh, I’m behind on my blog! (Feign shock & awe) Like many things in my life, I have really good, awesome intentions & sometimes my thought process is more thorough than my follow thru. I should’ve written rough drafts of each blog way in advance so at least each day I’d only need to edit & publish. But who has time to write 30 blogs in one sitting? So, here’s three days worth of blogs in one convenient package.
Day Six: I’m so thankful I live in a free country. I was going to say I’m grateful to be an American but that sounds a little cliche & I’ve never lived anywhere else so I can’t accurately compare. I’m sure there are many citizens of first world countries who love and appreciate where they live. So I’ll keep mine simple. I’m grateful to live somewhere where I can start a business I want, worship how & where I want, send my kids to the school I want & make decisions about what’s best for our family the way Jason & I want. I can’t imagine what it’s like to not have those freedoms and I don’t take them for granted.
Day seven: I’m grateful I live in this generation. I’ve made mention of it before, but specifically from a health & wellness standpoint I am so blessed and lucky to be alive in 2014. It was less than 100 years ago that women in my own family lost children at birth or their spouses in farming accidents. I will never forget the day in August where we almost lost David & I said to the Doctor, “Wow, if he’d been born 25 years ago, he wouldn’t be here right now.” She said, “Jill, if he’d been born 10 years ago he wouldn’t be here right now.” Thank you Lord for medical advances and technology & that my children can reap the benefits!
Day eight: This is a simple one & not a post that was pre-planned because I couldn’t have known, but I am so grateful that David is not sick! He has been fighting the flu for the last week & he won! This is huge for him! Last year almost every cold meant a guaranteed hospital stay. He’s getting stronger & fighting off infection. His immune system is kicking in and I could not be more thankful for his health.